Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
