he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just found puke in my bra..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
