Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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