I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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