Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
