im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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