he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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