i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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