I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
