Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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