Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
