My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
