Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
