She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
