i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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