I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
