They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
