Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
