Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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