So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
