is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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