Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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