sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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