I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
