I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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