dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
