I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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