omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
