I didn't shave. On purpose
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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