Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
