She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize