dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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