Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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