My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
