What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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