...so i touched it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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