I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
