We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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