i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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