I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm too high and old for this...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
