that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
