I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
