no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
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I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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