I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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