U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
