I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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