You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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