Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need water and some morals
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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