hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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