Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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