Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
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I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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