you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I need moral support for this bender
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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