I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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