When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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