Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
