saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
