i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
