I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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