All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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