i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
