not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
