bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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