I bet he comes in French.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
