i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
