I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
