Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
