i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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