Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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