I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
