Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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