My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
