i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
