I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize